ddogfilm

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

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5:04pm 15th June 2011

Vegan Ranch Dip

Yup, you heard that right. I can make it and its pretty fucking easy, so you should at least give it a whirl and see what you think of the dip.

1 cup cashews, soaked in water for at least 2 hours, and drained
1 cup water
4 ounces extra firm tofu
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2teaspoon agave
1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoon onion powder
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon vegetable broth powder
23teaspoons garlic powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons dried dill

Simple as all hell, and most products can be purchased at most major health food stores (Sun Harvest if you live in El Paso, or any Trader Joes for sure). Simply add the softened Cashews, tofu and agave into your standard blender and mix till well incorporated and soft, for me I notice it usually takes around 4-6 minutes. After the main ingredients have been blended take the mixture into your nearest medium sized bowl and add the remaining ingredients then salt and pepper to taste.

Best served after chilled at least an hour.

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ddogfilm posted this